Suck It Up

I've been lying in bed – or in a semi reclined postion on a padded piece of furiture – for two days. Tomorrow, I go back to work. I think I've decided to work from home. I'm lucky that's even an option. But I feel guilty about my decision. Monday seems like a day to show up in the office. Kick the week off right with an actual appearance before one's coworkers as an indication of commitment to the job, to the shared responsibilty. Plus, we get free lunch on Mondays.

One of my coworkers is on vacation and I mentioned to two different friends over the weekend that because my team is down a person, I really just have to suck it up for the week. Both friends immediately, and kind of angrily, said, "No you don't." This is the time, 6 ½ months pregnant with twins and coming off two days of bed rest, when you actually do not have to suck it up, they said. These are friends who do what's right in general -- but also for themselves.

For me, saying I'm not able to do something -- I can't, I have to rest, I have to lie down on my side and just BE -– is one of the toughest things to say. First of all, it's admitting weakness. Second of all, I consider myself one of those people who other people can count on. That Marla, she's a good egg. She shows up. She puts in her time. You don't have to worry about her. Even if I'm prone to sacrifice myself for others, what about my floaties? Will I do the right thing for them? What kind of mother will I be?

I guess I'll be a mom who compromises. I do plan to suck it up this week. But also to work from home on Monday and lie down at lunch. And take deep breaths. And check in with my doctor. And eat salmon for dinner tonight even though I don't really like it, because my floaties need omega 3 fatty acids. So there. That's the kind of mom I am already.