August is getting really good at holding his head up. He lays on the bed, hoists his noggin off the blanket and smiles proudly like he’s saying, “Hey Mom, look at me!”
But the new skill has taken a lot of work. As August raises his head, his body shakes, he pants and strains until he finally lets it fall back down with a light thud. That’s how parenting feels to me – I strain and pant and then collapse. But like August, I’m getting better it, and the accomplishment of each day can make me feel shiny and proud.
Still, learning to parent is like learning to flex new muscles. Last Friday, I was facing my first full day with both boys alone. I normally go a stretch of four or five hours by myself with them, but 10 hours… Ug. A whole day would include at least 3 feedings, 8 diaper changes and probably 4 meltdowns.
So, I flexed a new muscle: I asked for help.
I literally put out a plea on Facebook saying I needed assistance taking care of my babies. I tried to make it come across as light-hearted and funny to hide my desperation, but it was a serious request.
The crazy part is that people answered the call. I ended up with three babysitting “shifts” to my day. First, a very old friend of mine named Debbie drove all the way across town after dropping her own two kids off at school to come over and hold my babies. She helped put the boys down for a nap, get them up later and allowed me a few moments to actually prepare and eat food. Here’s the crazy part: Until recently, I hadn’t been in contact with Debbie for 20 years. We ran into each other at our high school reunion, realized we both lived in L.A. and vowed to get together. But we never did – until I had kids.
One day a month or so ago, Debbie showed up at my door with fresh tamales, all sorts of baby hand-me-downs and just wonderful positive energy. And then on Friday, she came over in my hour of need. I mean, my heart is practically breaking over her generosity.
What I’m finding out late in life, but not too late, is that it’s okay to ask for help. And even more shocking: People are willing to give it.
The rest of my day was filled with equally amazing acts of kindness. My sister-in-law showed up to help with the boys’ midday feeding. She shrugged off a large amount of spit up down her arm and even started the task of cleaning up an explosive diaper issue, which I simply could not let her complete. Some jobs really are just for parents to do.
Later a new friend, Kyle, came over with a gift for the babies even though he’s already given them one! Then he proceeded to spend more than two hours with me and the boys. He held August for 30 whiny, wiggly, fussy minutes before his feeding – then Kyle stayed and fed him! I mean, what? He saw my babies at their crying, inconsolable worst (well, not quite worst!) And he still stuck around for more.
It’s like the sky has opened up and beamed angels into my life. And they are helping me learn to hold my head up.
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