I never thought I'd be open to a communal bed, but now the idea of sleeping with our two sons is starting to seem like a not-so-terrible idea.
Here's why:
1. Sleep! August and Finley don't sleep through the night. Maybe if they slept in bed with Matt and me they wouldn't wake up as often -- and even if they did, at least I wouldn't have to get my butt out of bed and down the hall to soothe them. Instead, I could stick a pacifier in their mouths and rub their little backs in a half-dream, half-awake state. Good idea or just plain lazy?
2. Closeness. Now that I'm a working mom, I want to spend more time with my boys. I miss them terribly during the day. I see them for about an hour and a half each morning and then another hour or so in the evening. So sleeping in the same bed is the only way I can think of to have them with me more often. Good parenting or totally weirdly clingy?
Before you answer, let me share the background. When I was pregnant, I thought, 'Of course, I would never let my kids sleep in bed with me. That's just too close for comfort. It's not healthy. They need to have their own space.' I loved (and still love) the idea of all of us cuddling under the covers on a Sunday morning. But I never wanted to spend my nights crammed into a queen-sized bed jockeying for space with two babies and Matt. I love sleeping too much!
Then one afternoon when August was about four months old I couldn't get him to settle down, so I cradled him next to me on the bed, and together we fell into a deep mid-afternoon sleep. I awoke from the nap relaxed and blissful. Since then, I have stolen occasional brief snoozes separately with August and Finley. Those little naps are probably the most intimate moments of my life -- breathing in the sweet smell of baby, feeling their buttery soft skin, hearing their gentle breath, knowing I would do anything and everything to protect them for the rest of my life.
Not that it's easy sleeping with a baby. They spend a lot of time rolling and cooing, drooling, kicking, scratching at your face and pulling your hair. But once they fall asleep, it's like being weightless and in love.
So my friends, as I settle in at the ripe hour of 8:45 p.m. for a disturbed night of sleep, tell me what you think. Is it a good idea to have a communal family bed or not?
We are struggling with this right now. Less drama when she is just allowed to be in the bed. But WAY less sleep for me too. 30 minutes to get her back to sleep @ 1 am gets me more rest after than 5 hours with her squirming and keeping me wakeful. So, my vote, At least right now, while cuddles are awesome, everyone is better with some personal space to sleep.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand where you're coming from, and I don't think there is a wrong answer. You're not being weird or clingy. Hundreds of books have been written on the subject...
ReplyDeleteThis is my two cents as a full time working mom (whose husband lives in a different city 5 days a week)- a little less rest now means more and more rest later as they learn to sleep through the night/ learn to soothe themselves back to sleep. Co-sleeping is a hard habit to break.
Raven was a horrible sleeper for a long long time, but now that she sleeps through the night- she knows her crib is where she goes night-night. That said, we did wake up this morning at 4:45am. Ahhh teething.
We slept with the kids in bed or next to us in a co-sleeper until they were 4 months old and then I kicked them to the curb. Well, not really, just into their own room. I would wake up so easily anytime they made even a little squawk. Even though I really believe in the benefits of co-sleeping I had to move them for my sanity. I don't regret it for one minute. I love snuggling in the morning, but appreciate having my own space. My sister still co-sleeps with her twins and they are turning 3 on Friday. She wouldn't have it any other way. She loves the closeness and has trained them to fall asleep almost anywhere which is cool. So there you go. No help at all on my part as I can truly see both sides.
DeleteWhat I can say is that sleep is always a stressful issue with kids whether they are in your bed or their own. My kids go through stages of sleeping great and sleeping horribly. It never goes away so just do what your gut tells you to do. For me I defer to the solution that gives me the most sleep b/c I'm a better mom when I've slept.
-Jessica
Errol snuck into bed with us at 5 am today. Sometimes it's at 3 am. It's nice but hard to break the sleeping with mom and dad routine.
ReplyDelete- Elise