As an adult without children, I was able to go through life mostly avoiding humiliation. Sure there were some drunk dialing incidents in my 20s, some public stumbles, the time I forgot to mute my phone during a work call, but my everyday life was fairly safe. Parenthood, on the other hand, comes with daily humiliations and indignities.
Pee: On one of August's first nights home, I was changing his diaper at about 3 a.m. when I was hit in the face, in my hair and in the eye with something unidentifiable. In my sleep-deprived haze, I imagined I'd walked through a spider web made by something the size of that spider from the third "Lord of the Rings" movie. I jumped back in horror trying to process what was happening. Then Matt pointed out that it was a strong, steady stream of urine. And that was just the first time I got peed on. Now that both August and Finley are home, being urinated on is a regular part of my days.
The hands-free breast pumping bra: The garment is like a thick black bandeau with two holes cut for your nipples. It seems like it could almost be sexy, except that two bags of milk are hanging off your boobs and your stretched out post-pregnancy belly bulges out from underneath it.
Hygiene: I used to be clean. I showered every single day. Now I'm the kind of person you'd see wandering around Target in milk-stained pajama pants and her shirt on inside out, and wonder 'What was that woman thinking when she left the house?' The answer: She wasn't.
Sanity or lack thereof: There's a Paul Simon song that goes "Losing love is like a window in your heart. Everybody sees you're blown apart." I think the same goes for having twins. People can see I have been blown apart by storm August & Finley. All the veneer and decorum has been blasted away by fatigue and crying jags and poop smeared blankets. There are moments of bliss, like right now when they are both asleep looking adorable and I'm writing on my blog for the first times since they've been home. But in general, the polish has come off my life – haircuts, manicures, showers, high heeled shoes, parties and movies are gone for the moment. Instead I am stripped to bare essentials – holding, soothing, feeding, washing, helping….mothering the best I can.
Hi Marla, I love reading the floaties files. I'm sooooo glad it's you and not me. Have you ever heard of a "pee pee teepee'? It's a lovely little cone shaped piece of flannel to put over the pee pee hose as soon as you take off the old diaper and before you put on the new one. I can get you a dozen or so. Think about it and just let me know.
ReplyDeleteCheers.