August and Finley are just starting to get nervous around new people. They’re at ease with people they spend all their time with: me, Matt – and our nanny.
Yes, I already have a nanny even though I’m still on maternity leave. Flora comes four days a week and makes it possible for me to do things like shower. She’s great with the babies – maybe too good.
Today when I came home from running a few errands, August didn’t even look at me. He was totally focused on Flora. I’d been gone an hour and already he seemed to have forgotten me. I literally rubbed his foot and head and pinched his little cheeks until he looked at me and gave me a big gummy smile. “Hi, it’s me mom… remember me? I’m the one who has been with you every single day since you were conceived. Yeah, look at me!”
Trying to get his attention made me feel like a insecure, desperate teenager vying for the affections of the popular boy at school. He just has no idea what a grip he has on my heart. It feels awful and ugly, but I get jealous when August and Finley hit it off with anyone besides me.
Of course I want the boys to enjoy being with their nanny. But there’s this: Soon, my maternity leave will end. When that happens the nanny will be with my boys all day. She’ll be the one to greet them when they wake up and hold them up as they try to stand and pick them up if they fall. I’ll swoop in for a couple hours in the evening -- their most cranky time of day – before they conk out for the night (that is if they ever learn to sleep through the night!) And that is what makes me jealous.
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