So many things have happened since I last blogged, I can’t even remember all the hundreds of blog posts I’ve started in my mind and never actually wrote. As a mom to twins, I find that time runs away from me each day. In the mornings, I come up with an ambitious list of things to accomplish. By the afternoon, I can’t even remember what was on the list. And now, the passage of time is speeding up even more.
The dreaded deadline in every working mom’s life is approaching fast: the end of my maternity leave.
The moment August and Finley came out of me, I started to wonder how on earth I could ever be parted from them again. (I mean, look at that adorable face of Finley!) They are, of course, the most precious things in the world to me. I hate the idea of giving them over to someone else for most of their waking hours every weekday. But this is not a debate I can have. My family requires me to work so that we can do little things like, say, eat and pay the mortgage.
As the day of my return to the rat race has gotten closer, I’ve started to come to terms with my new life. In fact, there’s a secret little part of me that is relieved at the idea leaving the house unencumbered, of being able to walk across the street and get a sandwich without pushing a double stroller, of talking to adults about something besides diapers, about wearing clothes that are not covered in drool.
I’ve talked to lots of my friends who work and have kids, and they all tell me two things. 1. It’s really hard. 2. But it’s not as bad as you think.
I’ve also been brainstorming with my husband and just on my own about how I can walk the tightrope of being a good, hard-working employee and a good, present mother. Each moment I can spend with my boys will be like an amazing meal to be savored, so I’m trying to carve out as much time as I can in my new schedule. Only time will tell how it works.
So I humbly ask your advice my friends: If you are a working parent (a mom or a dad), how do you strike a balance between your job and your family? Do you have any tricks, any suggestions for how this works? I very much appreciate any wisdom you have to share.
1. Make sure you completely and totally trust and have faith in whomever is taking over caregiving duties, whether its daycare, a family member or an at-home nanny. You'll breathe easier at work knowing your boys are being taken care of by someone who is devoted to their well-being 100%
ReplyDelete2. During the week, try and get home before their bedtime so you can have time at night with them..even if it means pushing their bedtime back a bit and losing a little extra sleep yourself.
3. Don't be too hard on yourself- and don't feel guilty if you actually enjoy going to work. It doesn't have to be a secret.
Going back to work and leaving your baby is the worst thing ever. Until, of course, you get used to it, and then that is the worst thing ever--the fact that you "get used to" leaving your baby. You feel guilty for enjoying work, guilty at work for not being as good of an employee as your were before kids and then guilty at home for having to work. Blah blah it sucks so much.
ReplyDeleteA few things to make it easier:
--Grocery delivery. I discovered Safeway.com and it's nice not to have to take up my time on the weekends with errands like that.
--Do small errands on your lunch from work if possible. See above.
--Diapers.com. If you don't already know about this website it's got awesome next day delivery.
--I take the bus to work so there's a half hour each way for me to make the transition from mom to copywriter and back. It's actually nice. I read blogs on my phone and sometimes nap on the way home.
--If you can, stagger your start date, maybe start back at work on a Wednesday so the first week back isn't too long, or do shorter weeks for the first month?
Good luck. It's not easy. At all. :)
Honestly, I now kind of look forward to dropping Grace off and being able to go to work - to go to the bathroom alone, eat whenever I want, and have some time where I am not "on". Without day care, I would be completely rung out and empty with nothing left to give the baby. That time away really allows me to savor the time we do spend together (and there is a lot of it despite working full time), and the joy in her face when she sees me walk in to pick her up is priceless!
ReplyDeleteFrom what I gather, the boys will be at home - but here is my story: The first day I took her to day care, I stayed with Gracie for the whole day. I spent time getting to know the staff, the other babies, the general routine. That brought a lot of comfort. The next day I left her for five minutes during which I went and sat in my car and cried. Each day I left her for longer increments and the duration of my crying lessened.
No matter what, it will all be ok. That became my mantra, and I am happy to share it with you. You will get used to working and the boys will still love and adore you above all else.
Hmmmm, it totally sucks at first (and continues too at times) How to make it easier
ReplyDelete1.) know that you won't be as miserable in the longrun as the beginning
2.) cawfy. strong cawfy
3.) laundry drop-off, diapers.com, and if you can swing it to have someone clean your house
4.) If you have a nanny let her help with household tasks
5.) They will not remember that you had to go to work
6.) try not to feel guilty (though I am plagued with guilt as I rush outa work, and constantly feel bad that I am not there with the kids)
7.) know that you will always be the mom, you will always be #1 and that it is healthy for your kids to bond with other caregivers/play with other children
8.) Enjoy being around adults and having time away
9.) I believe in quality not quantity
10.) Use work as an excuse to go shopping, and beautify
I know it is hard but you can do it! (aiy caramba, if I can you can.....every mommy at work will have your back too)
As a single mother for much of the girls' childhood, work was very hard, but also my salvation! Mental, spiritual, and physical. And look how Beth and Kathleen turned out! You are a strong woman, Marla. Don't ever forget that! I am so very proud of you and all my other "daughters!". Janet
ReplyDeleteThe logistics are a pain in the ass - but for me it is worth it. I get the best of both - to continue to have a rewarding career that I enjoy and be the best mom I can. I know she's getting cared for well during the day, and I'll admit it, the first time I dropped her off at day care I felt, I'll say it RELIEF. and when I pick her up and she shrieks in excitement and crawls over and hugs me and gives me a gooby sort of kiss it is pure joy. I second the focus on quality not quantity. No one will replace you as mom. ever.
ReplyDeleteexpect that from waking to bedtime will be prep, transit, work, transit, clean, prep, etc. I used to 'work' at home in the evenings and weekends - no more. success is now that something gets done at all, not that it gets done well, or on time, or to any former standard I used to hold. that is the hardest part for me. succumbing to the limits of my newly rearranged brain, priorities, and time constraints.
you'll be harder on yourself than anyone else. guilt sucks. but there are only so many hours in the day. prioritize, and let the stuff that never rises to the top of the 'to do' list just drop off all together. I'm still working on this. it is not easy. but you just figure it out.