On Sunday when I said Matt and I were ready for the floaties, I thought I was telling the truth but I wasn't.
That evening, I started getting cranky. By Monday morning, I was in a full-blown panic-induced state of darkness. I kept thinking, 'Someone is going to literally cut me open today. Holy shit.'
I've had several women assure me that getting a c-section is not that bad, but for me the idea of having my uterus sliced open is incredibly unpleasant. I've had surgery before. It's not something I really care to repeat.
Then, there's the idea of life after the c-section. Two tiny beings will be depending on me for everything. In the months ahead there will be sleepless nights, raging hormones, sore boobs and lots of excrement. I don't know how on earth I can prepare for that, really.
At Dr. S's office, I watched Matt's expression as the doc informed us that both babies are still growing, though they've both slowed down; the little one has less amniotic fluid; and I am having contractions. My husband closed his eyes, dropped his head to his chest and rubbed his temples. I thought maybe he was going to pass out. He and I were both thinking, "This is it. This is really, really it." I thought we were ready, but when we believed the next words out of the doctor's mouth were going to be, "You should get to the hospital and deliver these babies," Matt and I were stricken with fear and foreboding.
Instead, the doctor said, "I don't see any reason we have to deliver you today. Make an appointment for next week."
I was totally stunned. Part of me wanted to say, "Really? Come ON! Let's get these guys out of me, already." The other part was thinking, "Whew! Now I can finish season 3 of 30 Rock on Netflix and watch the finale of Games of Thrones on Sunday. Oh, and I don't have to get cut open and become a mother today. Thank you!"
But now we're back to where we've been every week for the last seven weeks. My life is like Groundhog Day. I already know what's coming this Sunday: Takeout dinner, Game of Thrones, crankiness and panic. Will I ever actually be ready? I kinda think I won't.
I think you mean takeout dinner, Game of Thrones, crankiness, panic and Sarah ;-) Glad for the floaties they get to float a while longer. Love you.
ReplyDeleteMarla, dear sweetie--I survived two c-sections and one of those was a preemie (Kathleen). You will survive and the aftermath is not nearly as bad as you think it will be. Just like giving birth vaginally, you quickly forget the trouble and focus on the children. (Remember, I had two little ones after my second section -- and one of those was Beth! :>) )
ReplyDeleteThat is the craziest notion, Marla - that at any minute someone cuts into you and you are a mother of two! I can't imagine what you are going through on a daily basis- hang in there!
ReplyDelete(~amy b)
Marla, my friend had 3 c-sections in 5 years and she was fine. It is very scary but you come out with your babies and in that moment nothing else will count and you both will feel ready.
ReplyDeleteJust think about the joy of raising those boys instead of the C-section.
ReplyDeleteYou'll soon forget that part. We're all awaiting word......
Love you.